hysterical!! wrong on sooo many levels, but funnay as shit!!

with everything going on in the world...

how can i blog about nothing important? well, i am not in a position to where i am able to assist anyone. sad as it may sound or seem, life goes on. my heart aches for these people, really it does. but something i have noticed about life, it keeps on keepin on. i could sit here all day (still haven't been released to return back to work) watching the death & mayhem. i could sit and cry and ask God why, but we all know why it happened. we are really fucking up the Earth. we screw with people everyday. no one has any compassion for anyone anymore. women are beaten & raped everyday, children molested, elderly forgotten & left behind.... but time keeps marching on. it's a shame that it takes a natural disaster, a disaster of MONUMENTAL proportions to bring people together as a human race. in 9 days it will be the 4th anniversary of 9/11. does it seem like it's been 4 years. if i sit in the quite and just think i can hear the news reports live as people were plunging to there deaths to escape the fire & explosions in the hope they'll land alive. i can see the images of people laying in pieces on the sidewalk & the madness of people & fire. blood tears & anguish. i remember talking to people who were calling in to file claims for children & parents who were murdered that day. again for no reason. how can we forget or not care. i guess we could ask the people who right now are shooting at police & national guardsmen who are trying to help. looting like they're going to be able to pawn their bounty somewhere. we as a human race are INHUMAN. completely incapable of caring when our own safety is in jeopardy. we can't wait for someone else in traffic, curse the old woman in line in front of us because she can't find her glasses to write a check for her groceries. curse at the customer service rep who WE called to help us. i am guilty of all of these things (not shooting at people, the other mean stuff) i've had a life altering experience that has really changed my outlook on life. life IS short, life IS precious & we all need to slow down and pay attention before it's too late. money greed & material possessions have become our lives. i've got news for you people, the person who dies with the most toys.... is still dead. tonight i'll say a prayer for EVERYONE who lost a loved one today, and a prayer for the families that will suddenly lose someone tomorrow. .. i'll pray for the mothers & fathers who lost their babies, the recently diagnosed HIV patients, and the elderly men & women who sit alone because their families can't find the time to call. i'll pray that God gives them comfort, peace & strength to know that tomorrow will be better than today...

Hello hurricane Katrina...

This is CRAAAAAZY!im standing on my front porch & cant see across to my neighbor! a few hours ago the water was at their front door. the water is almost to the front door of my house now. EVERYTHING IS FLOODED! the back gate blew off, water is leaking thru the dining room sliding glass door. we do have power,but no cable, no internet, no AC. cant open the windows... gettin warm & humid. sleeping should be fun. greeeat.just sitting here- bored.i can here something rattling on the roof. the exhaust fans may be loose. the wind is sooo bad. wow wee!

**toenail update**

it's not looking good. while the fact i can't find the nail clippers & keep forgetting to get another one when i go the store may actually be preserving it's life, the end is near. we've had a fatal crack which is exacerbated by me pulling on it. i fear clipping it back to "troll length" is the only hope. unless i can work some magic with superglue, doesn't look good. fred is nervous. should be more nervous that i'm gonna lop something off, not eating a toenail he murdered. bastard. i feel like a hillbilly. toenails are all messed up, finger nails are so long & grown out that typing & butt wiping has become more of a sport & challenge than a simple task. 13 more days til my next nail appointment. i wonder when i became incapable of maintaining my own nails? oh remember, the 2001 toenail clipping incident. it looked like i stuck my big toe in the garbage disposal to clip it. it was bleeding, too short.... aaahhhh!! it's way less painful to pay $30 a month to maintain the feets, and $70 on the fingers.. lol. hey wait! that's a lot of money. what the hell is wrong with me? oh yea, 2001 toenail thingy.

am i to believe...

that Hillary Duff shops at Kohl's?! what marketing genius thought of that. was that brainchild born on or after the big story they had on her & her $700,000 handbag collection? <---- yes, almost 1 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS IN HANDBAGS. does anyone reeeeeeally believe that she wears "Candies"? yeeeaaa, riiiight. i still HATE, abhor, dispise, loath, curse, detest, scorn & spit upon Old Navy commercials. CLOTHING DOES NOT GROWN IN A FIELD!!! i'm feeling much better though. in regards to this awful awful infection that really really sucks. A LOT. i decided to go to Gatlinburg skiing this year. the probability of my actually skiing is abooooout ZERO! please, i know my limitations. 2 long sharp pointy sticks stuck to my feet, armed with 2 equally as long spears in my hands racing down an ice covered mountain to my death (or someone else who gets in the way of the spears) is not how i want to spend my vacation. that's just asking for a health insurance co-pay that is for an out of network doctor/hospital... no thank you. i've had the IV & catheter experience. been there, done that, and i don't want to do it again. yuck. i'm more of a snowman, snow angel, tubing kinda gal. i want to go to Dollywood too while i'm there. i know that there has got to be atleast on adult store that sells Dolly Boobies somewhere up there. i'm on a Dolly Boobie mission. wear them out to the mall when i get back home. LMAO!! or to work HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! ok, on that note i will park my ass back on the couch. think i'll make some chocolate chip cookies. mmmmm. cookies.

HEY EVERYBODY!! GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS!!

PORN O'CLOCK!! i'm watching Drew Carey wondering what my life has become. i've seen every show ever made over again. i've actually seen the "Boneyard" episode on the History Channel 3 times now. i want to go back to work, but just to hang out with people. i just sit here & do noooooothing all day. one might think that would free up a lot of time to get the crap i usually can't get done when i'm working done. not the case. the floors are dirty. everything is dusty. bathrooms are dirty.... being home when you don't want to sucks. that and i'm thinking that i can't get sick the rest of the year & i have no more vacation time left because of all this shit. greeeeat. what are the chances of me not getting a cold in the next 4 months? i guess the fact that i live in miami might help a little bit, and if i stay away from everyone & spray them down when they come by my cubicle, antibacterial hand gel... surgical mask. ok, i went a little over board there. sue me. i think i feel a little bit sleepy. let me go fall asleep on the couch & wake up at 4am sweaty from the pleather furniture (<--- that wasn't a typo, it's plastic leather people!) and my neck aching from the akward position i fell asleep in, stumble up the steps, brush my teeth & climb into bed. then wake up at 7:30 and start my boring boring day. i am going out on one journey tomorrow. going to the grocery store. tacos for dinner, eeeew. i hate the smell of taco meat. i hate how taco meat looks. it looks like a hamburger someone already chewed and spit out tossed around in sauce. sorry, sometimes Jenville get give you T.M.I. remember, you can leave, i'm still stuck in my head. says it right at the top of my blog. at least i'm sparing you of all the nasty things i've discovered the human body can produce. monkeys flinging poo at you at the zoo is gross. but i have produced something far grosser than that. so you're welcome, visitors. i have felt the need to share these gems with Tammy. i figure she was there from the beginning in the hospital, she'll see me through to the end. LMAO!! lucky her. i wanted to go see my God daughter today but big brother Kyle is sick, crap. i can't be around sickies, so, no piggie love for me. yea yea, everyone has stated their mind to me about calling her piggie, but it' becaus eof the piglet outfit she ad when she was teeny teeny. i don't call her piggie so much anymore. i refer to her as piggie. but i call her boogie, boogie face, boog. we even dance around to the song "Boogie Fever" muuuuwah. big kiss of piggie love! ok, i'm outta here. i will resist the urge to look at porn by shutting the computer down.

This pic just cracks me up!

i guess typing it...

brings the wrath too. i will abbreviate so you know which one i'm talking about "What E. Could H.?" a lot. a lot. a lot. a lot. we had an interesting turn of events this week. i'm not gonna get into the details of freds "indiscretion". i was about to make Lorena Bobbitt look like a fucking fairy princess when i got the results back from the Dr.... i'm still out of work. i haven't worked since 8/5. i'm really bored. maybe next week i'll be cut loose back into society. aaaah..... socialization. human contact. i noticed that i have started talking to the tv. i think it's bad if you're aware of it but you don't stop. i think i just want to hear a human voice other than the one's in my head. have you ever been stuck at home alone for a long time & suddenly realize that you haven't said a single word in hoooooours? i haven't talked to anyone since 2:45p. i guess i'll go get in the shower & go to the grocery store. chicken caesar salads for dinner tonight! they would sound like an even better idea if i didn't have to go get everything but the chicken. dammit man.

my time @ home has made me realize a lot of things...

1st observation: people are not made out of rubber despite the old adage "I'm rubber & you're glue. whatever you say bounces off of me & sticks to you" - BIG LIE

2nd observation: i am not evel knievel. leaping across tile with wet feet is NOT something the manufacturer intended as a good idea.

3rd observation: if i had a chance to pick a super power i would choose a force field. sitting at home on the couch wouldn't seem to pose a problem in getting hurt, not the case. where there's a will, there's a way... damn that murphy!!

4th observation: God is not vengeful. He's bored & has a teeny mean streak. apparently it was my week (and ongoing) to be picked on.

5th observation: saying "what else could happen" is inviting murphy to pay you a visit & show you eeeeeeexactly what else could happen. like the AC breaking in August when you live in Miami. ha ha ha.

6th observation: there are really not that many episodes of Good Times to watch before you've seen the all... again.

7th observation: kittens are not that cute when they tear apart your garbage.

8th observation: antibiotics & prescription motrin make a not so nice cocktail in your stomach

9th observation: old navy has the worst commercials.

10th observation: eyelids sweat when sitting around a house with no AC.

11th observation: i really miss work.